So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
