he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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