Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
