This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
