Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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