pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
