We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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