All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
