So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
