Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
