pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
