I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
