I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
God I need to hump something, right now.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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