I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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