spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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