did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
