dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
