I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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