Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
