Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
