Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
