I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
