I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
