so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
