Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
