No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
