A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Is Oprah even human
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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