Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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