I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
