i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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