I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
