the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
