Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
