I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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