I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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