TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
