Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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