dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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