i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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