i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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