you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
