bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
