I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
