I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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