If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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