Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
