Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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