omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Randomize
