HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
