Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
