did you get engaged???
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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