Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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