shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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