Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
my shit smells like andre
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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